Written by Jane E. Graham Jennings
You may be surprised to learn that violence in relationships can start at a young age… But it’s estimated that 1 in 3 teens experience abuse in their dating relationships.
Research finds that boys and girls are both perpetrators of abusive behaviors in relationships, though the abuse tends to be physical violence from boys to girls and verbal abuse from girls to boys. Gay, queer, and gender non-confirming youth also experience abuse in their relationships.
This data shows that we need to be talking with our young people about respect in relationships and what healthy dating means.
Teen dating can be a stressful time both for parents and for teenagers. Parents may feel that their child is “slipping away” from them. And if they see their son or daughter in a relationship that is not healthy and try to talk to the child about it, it seems to push the child further away or the child may respond with angry outbursts and even defend the abusive partner.
Compounding this is the fact that teens often feel as though adults don’t understand what they’re going through or that their feelings are simply disregarded by adults as not being real. But for teens, what they feel is very real and they believe they are very much in love with their partners. In fact, oftentimes, these relationships are the center of the teen’s world.
There are also social and peer influences and pressures that lead teens to believe that what is happening in their relationship is “love.” However, jealousy is often romanticized and teens don’t recognize that it can be the beginning of controlling behaviors that lead to unhealthy dating.
Teens are at a stage in life when they are trying to become independent and move away from the protection of their parents. A fear of losing independence may prevent them from seeking the help of a parent, so they often don’t ask for help or tell parents what’s going on.
That’s why it’s so important to have conversations early and often with young people about what healthy dating means.
For teens, some early warning signs that your date may become abusive include:
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For adults, some common clues that may indicate a teen is experiencing dating abuse include the following:
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The Women’s Community in Wausau is a resource for young people who are experiencing abuse in their relationships. Our staff are able to provide information and support to young people who are experiencing abuse or who are questioning what is happening in their relationships.
For over 15 years, The Women’s Community has partnered with the Wausau School District to provide prevention education via a developed curriculum to all 9th– and 10th-grade Health students.
The Women’s Community also has a partnership with the Alternative High School at Northcentral Technical College to provide drop-in time when an advocate is available to meet with students, and we provide a support group. We are able to provide prevention education to other schools upon request (for example, one ongoing partnership is with the Edgar School District), and we provide advocacy to youth who are referred to our agency.
Additionally, as part of our contracted services with Marathon County Government, we are part of the Sexting Diversion Program — a collaborative effort with the Marathon County Department of Social Services, Wausau Police Department, Marathon County District Attorney’s Office, and Compass Counseling of Wausau. The program was designed both to intervene in sexting activity that has already taken place and to prevent further behavior from occurring. The Family Advocate of The Women’s Community works with referrals in a group setting, if possible, or one-on-one to cover the dynamics of consent, healthy and unhealthy relationships, and power and control and where sexting behaviors fall in those categories and on those spectrums.
The Women’s Community is the only agency in Marathon County that has specialized training to respond and provide support services to victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, and human trafficking. We serve all of Marathon County, and all services are confidential and are provided free of charge.
For more information about teen dating violence, I invite you to contact The Women’s Community at 715-842-5663 or info@womenscommunity.org.
The Women’s Community:
We Listen. We Support. We Transform Lives.
Jane E. Graham Jennings
Executive Director | The Women’s Community, Inc.
Jane E. Graham Jennings has worked at The Women’s Community for over 20 years serving in the role of Executive Director for all but 3 of those years. Jane has dedicated her life to giving voice to those who feel voiceless due to various forms of violence and oppression. She started her career of anti-violence work in college, where she earned a degree in Psychology. She has been certified through the Department of Justice as a Law Enforcement trainer to train officers on understanding victims of domestic and sexual violence. She was appointed by Governor Walker to serve on the statewide Criminal Justice Coordinating Council. She was also appointed by Attorney General Brad Schimel to serve on the Wisconsin Crime Victims’ Rights Board. In her spare time, she enjoys outdoors activities — particularly hunting and fishing — with her husband, Christ. Email Jane E. Graham Jennings.
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